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on apathy and changing directions

My heart and mind are in two different places and because of this, my business is suffering.  There are too many emotional ties to my ‘old’ marriage that even a name change cannot sever.  While I use dissociation as a tool sometimes, it is not a place I want to live in each day.

My emotion for my business over the last year has been increasing apathy. I have never experienced this before and am not clear what it means.

I know a businessman who provides coaching to other business leaders, to motivate them, help them see their stumbling blocks in order to grow their businesses.  Oftentimes the stumbling blocks are the leaders themselves and if they step out of their own way, sometimes stepping down completely, they present for themselves an opportunity to take their business from zero to one hundred in no time.

Getting stuck in 180-degree thinking and actions indicates that growth is limited by a 180-degree deficit.  My passion is mainly as confidant and not constituent.  In a nutshell, that’s my limitation to growth.  How do you make up a deficit that impedes your growth you have zero desire to make up?

My purpose and passion have changed.  There exists a herculean struggle to maintain the energy required to keep the business going.  Working for money alone would kill my very spirit.  I’m not quitting but am letting go  and preparing for landing.

What am I grateful for?

~ Birthing and building a business with sustained longevity for over ten years.

~ The strength to birth a new baby while caring for this rebellious ‘teenager’.  It is not yet time for an empty nest.

~ Being at peace with this cloudy place and feeling protected.

~ Recognizing that I have never been without provision and trusting in what was, what is and what shall be.

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