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on the apology

It started slowly…

Operating from the Valley of Want and Fear
Wanting to be Accepted
Wanting Intimacy
Wanting to be Loved
Willing to be molded as Needed
Wanting to avoid Risks
Willing always to Give

Progressive imprisonment…
“Let me come with you.”
“Where have you been?”
“Why were you gone so long?”
“You’re perfect, a cake I made just for you.”

The apology
You are the most beautiful person I have ever known. God has blessed me to find you. You are my soulmate. I will never find anyone as beautiful as you in my life. Please forgive me.

Progressive guilt…
“You make me feel…”
“This is your fault…”
“Your childhood messed your head up…”
“You think like your father…”

The apology
You are the most beautiful person I have ever known. God has blessed me to find you. You are my soulmate. I will never find anyone as beautiful as you in my life. Please forgive me. I promise never to hurt you again. I will be better. 

Progressive worthlessness…
“You’re a heartless bitch…”
“You don’t care about anyone but yourself…”
“You’re a horrible mother…”
“Fuck you…”

The apology
You are the most beautiful person I have ever known. God has blessed me to find you. You are my soulmate. I will never find anyone as beautiful as you in my life. Please forgive me. I promise never to hurt you again. I will be better. Please don’t leave me.

It finally ended. With Goodbye.

Operating from the Valley of Need and Freedom
Needing to accept myself
Needing to love myself
Needing to value myself
Needing to let go of being needed
Imagining and Dreaming
Willing to risk everything
Waiting for the unfolding of my hopes

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